Friends
My third start today. Sometimes I think to myself, why do I blog? I never have before, so why do I now? The only answer I can find is that I want to be cool. And why would blogging make me cool? Because I know a few people who blog, who I think are cool. But I don't think that anyone really looks at my blog. It's uninteresting, maybe I don't know how to blog really. Maybe it's too confusing. Maybe I just say too many stupid things. What is needed to get a response? There is one person who is amazing to me - we used to hang out sometimes. She has a brilliant life. Is it because she's single, hard working? I have held her as a friend for a long time, even if she doesn't me. I don't exactly know what she thinks or has ever thought of me. I read in her blog that she didn't used to tell people how she felt, and one time she watched a boy she liked end up with another girl (that's sort of what she wrote) because she never told him she liked him. Of course I don't know that I ever took the time to ask her what she thought of me either. I liked her a lot and tried to show her, but I also must admit, I never told her exactly how I felt either. I just always assumed that she would be somewhere in my life.
Last night I had a dream. There were a bunch of people in it, and I had the feeling that I knew them all - that they were a part of my life somehow. It was different though, it felt like we were all still friends. Like "close" friends though, not like the song goes, "Friends get scattered by the wind, tossed upon the waves, lost for years on end, friends, slowly drift apart, they give away their heart, maybe call you now and then, but you want to be just friends." I guess that is true, though that wasn't how I dreamt it with these few. The setting was unusual and the circumstances were unclear. We were all at my Mom's house, except instead of a street where we lived, basically everything east of my Mom's house was an abyss. Like a giant sinkhole, and nearly everyone was looking into it with awe. I went to go inside, and my friend was standing on the porch. I opened the screen door but she was standing in the way of it, so it wouldn't open enough for me to go in the house.
She asked, "Do you want me to move for you?" (it was pleasant the way she said it)
"Not unless you want me to go inside," I replied.
"Come stand with me on the porch," she said back.
So we stood on the porch to my Mom's house as we put our arms around each other and watched our friends walk slowly back to the house from the great hole in the ground, that had consumed everything up to that point. I was sad when I woke up. I know I miss my friends. I also know that at this point I don't know (that's funny I know that I don't know) if I can even see them, but I have this to give to them. I think of them often, Andrew, Melissa, Katie, David, David, Mark, Jason, Daren, Sierra, Karen, Melissa, Julie, Shasta, Crystal, Virginia, Vanessa, David, and so many more that naming them all would continue to look like I'm naming the same person multiple times over and over again.
Do I think about the past too much? I think about the future quite often too. Do I dwell on what could've been and am I ungrateful of what is? So much change has happened in my life, and now I just want things to stop and just be the same as the were, but it appears too late for me. I wish someone would catch me up and help me realize that my friends think of me as much as I think of them.
Thank you for being a part of my life, even if only as memories.
Last night I had a dream. There were a bunch of people in it, and I had the feeling that I knew them all - that they were a part of my life somehow. It was different though, it felt like we were all still friends. Like "close" friends though, not like the song goes, "Friends get scattered by the wind, tossed upon the waves, lost for years on end, friends, slowly drift apart, they give away their heart, maybe call you now and then, but you want to be just friends." I guess that is true, though that wasn't how I dreamt it with these few. The setting was unusual and the circumstances were unclear. We were all at my Mom's house, except instead of a street where we lived, basically everything east of my Mom's house was an abyss. Like a giant sinkhole, and nearly everyone was looking into it with awe. I went to go inside, and my friend was standing on the porch. I opened the screen door but she was standing in the way of it, so it wouldn't open enough for me to go in the house.
She asked, "Do you want me to move for you?" (it was pleasant the way she said it)
"Not unless you want me to go inside," I replied.
"Come stand with me on the porch," she said back.
So we stood on the porch to my Mom's house as we put our arms around each other and watched our friends walk slowly back to the house from the great hole in the ground, that had consumed everything up to that point. I was sad when I woke up. I know I miss my friends. I also know that at this point I don't know (that's funny I know that I don't know) if I can even see them, but I have this to give to them. I think of them often, Andrew, Melissa, Katie, David, David, Mark, Jason, Daren, Sierra, Karen, Melissa, Julie, Shasta, Crystal, Virginia, Vanessa, David, and so many more that naming them all would continue to look like I'm naming the same person multiple times over and over again.
Do I think about the past too much? I think about the future quite often too. Do I dwell on what could've been and am I ungrateful of what is? So much change has happened in my life, and now I just want things to stop and just be the same as the were, but it appears too late for me. I wish someone would catch me up and help me realize that my friends think of me as much as I think of them.
Thank you for being a part of my life, even if only as memories.
posted by Naybuggy at 12:55 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home